I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
