Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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