They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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