get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize