I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
