why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bang-toberfest begins!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
