Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Found the puke drawer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
