apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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