hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
