Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
