There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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