get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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