But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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