WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
