Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
