is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
