you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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