I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
