ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
