Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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