i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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