I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
