his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
