Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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