Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
