i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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