Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
