it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
