I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
