when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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