i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
