Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
