True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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