exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
