So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
