So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
