a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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