I could make wine with my vomit
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
