Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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