is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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