Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
