I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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