found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
