Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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