Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
