Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
