yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
wow bdsm is so cute
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
