Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
