A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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