News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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