yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
