one two three fourrrrnication!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
